“You Aren’t Special”

 

Over 20 national competitions? Whatever…

I’ll admit it - I was triggered by a meme that had nothing to do with me. The phrase? 

“You’re nothing special.”

I’ve heard this, or a version of this, all my life. I used to grin and bear it, saying it kept me humble. Snide comments to “keep my feet on the ground.” Dismissal of accomplishments. Or simply, ignored.

You’re nothing special.

I wonder if my extracurriculars are considered self indulgent. If others think I'm delusional, even though I know I’m not that good. Trophies dismissed as "participation medals" even in the face of competition. 

You think I don’t hear the dismissal? The catty comments? The snark? 

I heard it when I graduated from college. Best in Show in an art competition. ArtPrize. Skating. Running. Any time I stick my neck out, I could hear the knife being sharpened, someone eager to cut me down to size.

You’re nothing special. 

I know. You think I don’t? But maybe, just maybe, with every attempt to stretch my limits, push past my comfort zone, there’s a little moment of special that erases your negativity. 

LHOTR - I Shutter to Think

 

The plans.

Beaver side.

River side.

One of the earliest chores on the to-do list has been giving the little house its Poseidon Blue shutter face lift. Dave grumbled but relented to hang shutters river side, but thought no more were needed. 

I found a pair for the kitchen window at Habitat for Humanity’s Restore for four bucks. Hanging those, he admitted they looked great. Do we drop big money for the rest of the house?

Yes. 

Some of the windows, like the one next to the chimney and front door didn’t give us much room to hang a pair, so those were left alone. The rest were framed nicely in the hue that most closely resembled Lake Superior blue.

So what’s next? We’ve talked about a painted quilt square for the barn. Cutting down the shrubs and putting in roses. Or maybe just kicking back and enjoying the summer in the river.

LHOTR: Fourth of July Scrapbook

Dave's mom and his sister's family came up north for food and drink. I think we were too busy having fun and didn't take enough time to take too many pictures! I'll post what I can.

Float on. 

Debating whether we should sit in the river. The answer was yes.

Morning Yadi. 

Why sit up top when we could chill below?

Birthday!

Why do we take pictures of fireworks when they never turn out? 

Gang hang.

Your LHOTR hosts. 

Tied off and going nowhere. 

Typing Out Loud: To Have and to Hold

Am I the reason you drink, babe? 

Dave and I celebrated 24 years married in June, and this September, it will be 31 years since we first met. All these years later, we find little ways to celebrate each others' partnership, from date night buying gutters at Menards to Pokemon hunting while waiting for takeout because I don't want to cook. 

The flip side recently has been coming to terms with people we know and love who have thrown in the towel on their relationships. My heart cried out for a friend, who recently said of his impending divorce simply, "we no longer like each other." 

It hurt to even type that. 

I don't know what goes into a divorce, and that's kind of what scares me, even in the security of 24 years. Where are the mistakes, the trip lines, the line you don't cross? Could I wake up one day with him showing me the door? I'm too old to start learning how to swipe right - or is it left?

The list of my imperfections is humbling and alarming. I can't reverse the signs of aging any more than he can, but I know I'm not the cute little number that lived next door to him in college. Sexy time isn't what it used to be. The worst of my shopping addictions is thrift and dollar store treats, although we've been hitting the plastic a lot lately for car repairs and a new washer and dryer. And because of COVID, I've been a bit grouchier, and a little more addicted to getting work done. 

People have fawned on social media, applauding each time the calendar tabulates another year and asks us how we do it. Marry Dave is one answer I can give. Another answer is if something you are going to do hurts the other person, maybe you don't do it. But I know it depends on the people in the relationship. 

I don't know. We aren't perfect, far from it. I try not to take him for granted. Maybe he's too lazy to get rid of me since splitting up the music collection would take years in the court system. Maybe my salmon patty recipe is just tasty enough to keep me around. Or maybe he can't live without me. I know I can't live without him.