The Fifth Monkee, Frank Zappa

Banal and insipid?

How appropriate on April Fools Day...

Not all the kids watching were ready for Zappa, but I'm sure there were a few who were. 

Zappa earns his entry as the fifth Monkee for appearing in the series and the movie Head. Both appearances were batshit crazy in the best way. 

His first appearance was as Mike Nesmith - and Mike as Frank - in an interview to open the episode Monkees Lose Their Minds. Frank, a fan of Dadaism and an expert on sound experimentation, got to rip into popular music while playing a car. This was Frank's performance art, finding music on anything - he had demonstrated this trick on the Steve Allen Show years before, when he played a bicycle. If that's odd to you, remember putting baseball cards in the spokes of your bike just to hear the rhythmic "th-th-th-th" that became a whirr the faster you went. That's what he was doing. 

He showed up as The Critic, walking a cow in the movie Head, calling Davy Jones "pretty white" in response to his Daddy's Song routine, and encouraging the band to work on their music because "the youth of America depends on you to show them the way." 

Even I had to say WTF to that. 

I could go on about the bizarre but admittedly uneven brilliance of the man. He found melody in discordance. His performance art extended to movies and television. He celebrated things while mocking them like the 80s hit Valley Girl, a collaboration with daughter Moon Unit. We knew we were being mocked, and we enjoyed it anyway. Besides, you can't claim to be a true Val when you're repping the Mitten State in discounted jam shorts from Jean Nicole. 

And my kid loves St. Alphonse Pancake Breakfast. I expect no less from the kid whose favorite Beatles song is Revolution #9. 

Project 3867: The Electric Company

Apparently, these types of stations are available in Abu Dabi

I don't know how long it was Mill Creek Motors, it was there for at least 15 years before the property went vacant. 

So why mess with a good idea? Except to improve on it. 

Electric vehicles are becoming more and more prominent on the road. And I know nothing about them. My friend Tami has one and loves it. It's still a vehicle though, and as such, I'm sure it needs regular maintenance to keep it in good working order. 

Get some trained technicians, add a couple of charging stations, add a lounge while people wait for their cars to charge, polish this up to a gleam, and become an electric car service station. 

The Cereal Project: The Tie-in

Wound tight. 

Serious glow-up.

Now that we have a product and a consumer, how will we promote it? 

Let's talk about the promotional tie-in. 

Tie-ins can focus on an event, a movie, or an idea. 

I'm circling in on the idea of a GenX movie sequel, since Marlene and Duck from 16 Candles have shown up as a happily married couple in a few commercials. The cast of The Breakfast Club is set to reunite at a comic-con in April, fueling rumors of a new movie. 

The characters in John Hughes movies like The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and Weird Science are beloved for a reason. 

What about Cameron Frye, Ferris' sidekick as a middle-aged man taking the day off from work? GenX would love to see who Alan Ruck's character became, on top of the fact Alan Ruck has become a silver fox. 

The cameos could be insane.

There you go - our promotional tie-in will be for the fictitious movie sequel: Cameron Frye's Day Off. 

Lipstick on the Mic: Christine Lavin

Kind of looking like Grace Slick

She's the darling of the folk music scene, the voice of an angel but a sense of humor that garners a double take. Christine Lavin has been writing and performing for 50 years, since she was discovered at an open mike night while waitressing in Saratoga Springs. The guy who found her, Dave Van Ronk, is a legend in his own right: House of the Rising Sun? He arranged that. 

What sets her apart is her sassy songwriting that could be touching in one song, and bawdy the next. 

What a thrill to spend an afternoon with her. 

I first saw her at the Women's Literary Club in Grand Rapids 30 years ago. She was riding high on an indie hit single, The Kind of Love You Never Recover From, and getting a couple of songs on some movie soundtracks. My roommate Kathy met her in the bathroom, and helped her with her hair. 

Flash forward, I happened upon a social media post that she would be playing a Lutheran church in East Lansing in February. It was a rare Sunday that I had nothing going on, and she would be playing in daylight instead of some dim, smoky nightclub. I had to go. 

In another astonishing bit of luck, she welcomed fans to a meet and greet before the show to knit and converse. She had prizes for people! Not a knitter, I grabbed a figure skating dress to stone while listening to stories. 

She gave away a CD to the person with the biggest project, a huge knitted afghan. Then another for the newest project, which went to the person who had just started a project with a grand total of eight stitches completed. The last prize went to the person who had worked on their project the longest, an eight-year project that had been started and stopped many times. 

While looking for the glue and stones for my skating dress, I happened to have found an old USFSA keychain for the premiere of the documentary Rise, about the 1961 World team plane crash. Christine is a huge figure skating fan, so I impulsively brought it along if I had the chance to talk to her. 

After she gave her CDs away, I said "Wait, I have a gift for you." I wanted to give her something as a thank you for writing the song As Close to Flying, which she had dedicated to the lost World team. She gasped, immediately added it to her keychain, and said I have to give you something for this. I weakly refused, saying that was not my intention to gift grub. She gifted me The Subway Series CD, and told the assembled that I was a figure skater, and how she had written three songs about skating. 

Oh my gosh, to connect with her like that! 

On with the show about Jeopardy, bad boyfriends, crackerjack vendors, and new-aged guys

She started her set at 3pm, a story about how her parents met on the subway ("put down your phones"), and proceeded to entertain us with stories, anecdotes, songs, and plenty of audience interaction. Highlights for me were The Kind of Love You Never Recover From (RIP to the inspiration, a man who passed away in 2013, noting she had dreamt about him the night prior), the revenge story against the New York Yankees and the unfortunate incident of the crackerjack vendor, and the group singalong Sensitive New Aged Guys. She ended the show with a gentle singalong, accompanied by vocals recorded by a folk artist who recently passed, performing the song "(All I Have to Do) Is Dream" by the Everly Brothers.

But a Lavin show can't end until she trots out her batons, which she did with a flourish. 

After the show, she approached ME and asked if I'd like her to sign the CD she gave me. Well, I bought another one! She paused, and said, "Wait! I have something else for you!" and disappeared into her private room. The ladies gathering for autographs looked at me wide-eyed. She came out with a small ball of yarn, unraveled it, cut a yard, gave it to me, and asked if I would add a few sequins from her to my skating dress so she was out there with me. 

Of course I will!

Cool chick, and as Jeff Daniels says "What an original!"

The Fifth Monkee, Henry Corden

The landlord is unamused. 

On a television show featuring four young musicians, someone had to play the heavy, a grown-up authority figure. Henry Corden, as landlord Mr. Babbit, fit the bill. He was always chasing the rent while the boys chased gigs, and he even chased Micky in drag, in an attempt to woo the drummer masquerading as a chaperone so the boys could invite Davy's young girlfriend to a party. 

Corden had a long career on television, getting his start in Danny Kaye's The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - a personal favorite short story of mine - to being the voice of Fred Flintstone. Reviewing his entry on IMDb, his early career was a fascinating trip through history: Abbott and Costello. The Ten Commandments. Perry Mason. Dragnet. Bonanza. Gunsmoke. I Dream of Jeannie - he was Jeannie's dad! The latter part of his career was focused on voiceovers and children's programming.

Corden passed in 2005, but, according to a quote on IMDb, of all his roles, being a husband and a father was his favorite. 

Typing Out Loud: Finding Community

Daisy Buchanan has nothing on me. 

The fundraiser for our school district's athletic teams was held this past weekend. Our contribution to the festivities was donating a popcorn basket with a family fun 4-pack courtesy of the Whitecaps and a $50 gift card to the shop on behalf of boys' baseball.  

It's a new event and a new crowd, so I experienced a little social anxiety over being strangers in a room of people who have known each other for decades. 

Instead, we were welcomed warmly. 

The theme for the party was Roaring 20s, but since it was cold and breezy, I did not dress for the occasion. One of the gals at our table remedied this by gifting me a headband to match my outfit. And always convinced I was not welcome or invisible, instead, I was greeted with smiles and people who said, "I've seen you around!"

It was a welcome change. 

Project 3867: The Milk & Bread Store

Just the basics ma'am

When I was a kid, there was a drive-thru party store in Michigan Center. It was a novelty to drive in, point to what you wanted, and have the clerk hand you a candy bar and a pop. Moms and dads would pop the trunk and the beer would go right in. 

Drive-thru party stores are still big in Ohio, and Dave goes to one whenever he can. 

So why not here? The closest grocery stores are on Alpine - Walmart, Aldi, and Meijer - and frankly, it's a pain in the ass that you can't just do a quick run-in to get essentials. The gas stations charge outrageous prices for those quick convenience items. Cap 'n' Cork, the liquor store over by Mad Dogz, doesn't carry much outside of booze, snacks, and smoking paraphernalia. 

With those two bays, I could close one and open the other as a drive-thru to pick up the stuff you forgot you needed before going home. With a relatively small store, keep in stock maybe the top 25 convenience store items such as milk, bread, cereal, eggs, baby formula, and butter; grab-and-go snacks like chips and candy; and random stuff you always forget while shopping like batteries. Opting to not have liquor since CnC is across the street. Keep it clean and efficient. Add order ahead like doordash to have things ready for pickup. 

Not sure if this is the best business model; it's based more on nostalgia, novelty, and laziness on my part. But with the bay and the back parking lot available to create a drive-thru, the space is conducive to this idea. And you can phase out what doesn't sell and phase in what is requested.