Typing Out Loud: That #$&! Day

If only it were that neat that day...

Two days of typing out loud in a row? I have thoughts, apparently. 

Browsing social media over the weekend, a name popped up as a suggested friend.

And hmmmm, no. While not one of the bullies back in high school, she was one who openly made fun of me on one of the most horrible days of my life. 

As any teenage girl can attest, that would be the day my uterus exploded and ruined - RUINED - a pair of pants. 

Sigh. How to unpack this, 40 years later?

To be honest, I am to blame for not taking care of myself. But I was so young, my period was so inconsistent and... violent. I had no forewarning that it was coming, just a sweaty back and then BAM. And I do mean BAM, I would just be sitting there, and suddenly I was soaking wet. 

I panicked. 

I froze. 

I just didn't know what to do. 

And I had a test in my last class, honors English.

I was leaving gym class, where I had feebly tried to clean myself up on the small square of terry cloth given to us to wash after working out. Useless for what I was up against. 

And what of the sisterhood, the girl code if you will: 

Ms. Hogle, our tyrannical gym teacher? Proven in the past to be unhelpful, zero empathy.

My girlfriends who were in my class? Dealing with their own shit, an embarrassed shrug.

Other girls in the locker room? Nothing - no one helped, no one suggested going to Sr. Barb for a clean skirt or pair of pants, or even taking refuge in a counselor's office.  No one offered a sweater to wrap around my waist or even to walk behind me to shield me from the stares, the pointing, the laughter. 

And point and laugh they did - I remember turning to see the two of you pointing and laughing. Seeing my horrified face, your faces contorted to hide your laughter, to only twist in glee at my mortification. 

No girl code to the rescue. 

I pulled my sweater down to hide the crimson stain and hurried to class. Preoccupied with my predicament, I failed that test - and was called up to the front of class by Mr. K, who asked me to clarify an answer to a question; I felt like EVERYONE was staring at my backside. 

I think I threw the pants away when I got home and showered. I didn't cry that day, but I'm on the verge of tears now, 40 years later. I still cannot believe my frozen panic.

Typing this out sort of helps me come to terms with the fact that every woman has had that moment when their body betrays them. Lord, it happened to me so often that I had the organ ripped out of me as useless about 10 years ago. 

To make myself feel better by typing out my trauma, what did I learn from this? 

I learned in moments of panic to solve the problem first, and panic later. 

Also have a backup plan, I am rarely without an extra set of clothes tucked away to either work out during the day or change in case of emergency. 

I also came to realize, later, when trying to get pregnant, that my PCOS diagnosis really went all the way back to my teenage years. So much blood... 

I also learned grace and empathy for others. Need a tampon? An exit plan? A jacket to wrap around your waist? You can rely on me. 

And also when not to laugh at others.  

You know what - I do have to mention that while I was alone that day, there was one person who did provide empathy when this inevitably happened again, so shout out and love into the universe for Molli, who had at one time told some boys to shut up, then let me know about the spot on my skirt and slide a pad from her purse. You are the girl I needed back then, and I never forgot your kindness. 

As for the other person: I'm sure you are a great person living a great life and have probably forgotten this incident long ago, but sorry - I can't friend request you, even now. It's not you, it's me. 

Why Art Matters/Typing Out Loud: Farley and the Chippendale Sketch

#TeamFarley

Kind of a cautionary tale of art that harms. 

On one side, the "Chippendales Audition" sketch with Patrick Swayze was physically funny as hell, and for Chris Farley, it was a turning point in his career, as he went from new guy to bona fide SNL star. 

On the other side... the sketch was a cruel joke that didn't quite land, and defined Farley's sketch character development until his death. 

The scenario: after countless auditions, it came down to two dancers to take the final spot on the Chippendales roster. To decide, they performed a dance-off. Swayze was technically perfect, and Farley was surprisingly agile, on top of being funny and sweet. The result? Swayze's character wins the audition, and Farley dances in desperation to prove the judges wrong. 

Bob Odenkirk: I hated it and what it did to his psyche... 

Chris Rock: There's no comic twist; it was just mean. And Chris wanted so desperately to be liked. 

Tom Arnold: Chris called me and said, "Now everyone wants me to be the fat guy." 

Tom Davis: He would slap himself so hard that you could see the mark on his face, and that would get a laugh from those writers, but I would see the mark on his face, and I just saw disaster.

Even Chevy Chase warned him not to go out like John Belushi.   

I agree with all of them. There was a tragedy in his character's rejection. The twist that would have been endearing would have been for Farley to win over the obvious beauhunk, as the judges would have fallen in love with his charm, humor, and the fact that some ladies love a full-figured guy. 

While he was a comic genius, once he started to pratfall for laughs, he threw himself around the SNL set at an alarming rate. His eloquent, gentle giant characters, such as the Incredible Hulk giving a eulogy at Superman's funeral, gave way to more Matt Foley exploding coffee table disasters. 

I dunno, many of his sketches were funny at first, and him breaking David Spade in a scene was always a goal. But the physical comedy that gave him his success also limited his growth as an artist and comedian. Tommy Boy got it right when he was the doofus who saved the day and got the girl. 

I wish Farley had seen himself as the winner and not the fat guy. 

Project 3867: Pop-UP Fundraiser Shop

 

Been to a car wash lately? Believe me, $5 is a deal 

What if you hosted a fundraiser and no one came? 

Or wanted to do a fundraising event but lacked the right space?

I'm thinking back to the days of the figure skating club hosting a car wash and desperately looking for an appropriate place to do it. We ended up behind a grocery store, struggling with potential customers' inaccessibility to the location and a simple thing like running water. 

I had suggested one time we have a rummage sale in the parking lot at the rink, but rink management refused. 

Then I think of Boy Scouts selling their popcorn outside Walmart and Girl Scouts selling cookies at Menards. 

Could this space serve as a fundraising pop-up shop? Clean facilities, ample parking, WiFi, central location, access to a dumpster, and a marquee where you can display "CP Baseball Fundraiser Here Saturday 9-2" in the heart of downtown Comstock Park? Available amenities include water for car washes, tables and chairs, bathrooms, and a small kitchen for gatherings. Have an event manager on-site to provide keys, troubleshoot, monitor cleanup, and secure the venue after the event is over.

This would not be an income-generating idea, but rather an open space to serve the community, operated as a 501(c)(3) non-profit. Minor rental fee, or else appeal to the local community for donations to keep the lot clean and serviceable. 

The Cereal Project: Movie Buttons

A Frye Family tradition

We liked to cover jean jackets with small buttons in the 80s, so for my birthday, let's give away some buttons! 

One of the endearing qualities of John Hughes' movies was that they were highly quotable. Even to this day, you could say, "Neo-maxi zoom dweebie," and another Gen Xer could tell you who said it, what movie, and in what context. 

But the movie is fictitious, no script is written, and thus far I've only imagined abstract plotlines and madcap scenarios. A basic plotline, told in buttons? 

Save Gord! 

She needs to get from Detroit to Miami ASAP!

For the Battle of the Bands competition! 

To perform her song, here's a quote! 

Lipstick on the Mic: Maria McKee and Lone Justice

 Press pic - they were on the verge, what happened?

When I get in my rockabilly mood, I inevitably trot out my two Lone Justice albums and get weepy over the lyrics to Don't Toss Us Away. Back in the 80s, they were a band on the verge, opening for U2, an appearance on Saturday Night Live, and respectable radio and MTV airplay. Linda Ronstadt was a fan and personally advocated for Geffen Records to give them a chance. Maria's beauty was likened to the era's other It Girl, Madonna, and her vocals were blessed by Dolly Parton, who said she was "the greatest vocalist any band could ever have." They were a rock critic's darling, their self-titled debut album among the decade's greatest. 

So what "didn't" happen? 

One theory is that as industry favorites, those two albums were held in such regard that the band could not meet the exceedingly high expectations, and any result outside world domination would be a letdown. 

Thinking of what was going on in pop music at the time - Duran Duran new wave, Prince's funk, Madonna's dance pop, salsa pop from Miami Sound Machine, Billy Ocean's sax-heavy light rock, light metal from Bon Jovi - was there any room on the charts for their brand of country rock? I know I loved it, but I can name only one other friend, Liz, who dug it. 

Then there was the fact that music in the 1980s was highly visual. This band was heavy on groove but a little light on teenage girl crushable faces. Maria, while beautiful and feisty, resisted becoming a cover girl to sell her music. The record label rebuilt the band around her in search of a more radio-friendly sound and MTV look. 

It didn't work, and the band broke up in 1987. Maria pursued a solo career, landing on a few soundtracks, including Pulp Fiction. The rest of the band went on to other acts and session work. There was a record released in 2024, well after two band members Dan Heffington and Gregg Sutton passed away, serving as a sort of reunion/swan song. 

I consider my taste to be pretty mainstream but I'm a sucker for acts like this. I have recently started listening to Little Steven's Underground Garage again, and my body seems to crave more of this. I wonder what another indie group from that era, Tommy Conwell and the Young Rumblers, is up to? 

The Fifth Monkee, Julie Newmar

Gorgeous

Appearing in only one episode, I present the head-in-the-clouds laundress April Conquest, as portrayed by Julie Newmar. That each of the bandmates fell in love with her is no surprise. 

Reviewing her stage, screen, and film credits shows she started on stage in 1940 in a production of Alice in Wonderland, and her most recent was in 2019, playing a doctor in the series Dark Shadows. That's 79 years!

She has always been an outspoken advocate for LGBTQ rights, becoming a cultural icon and object of affection in the movie To Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. 

Fun facts!

In the early 2000s, she settled a feud with her neighbor Jim Belushi by appearing in his sitcom to poke fun at the argument.

She is a classically trained pianist. 

She was involved in community real estate and gardening, improving property values and enforcing noise ordinances in her Los Angeles neighborhood.

Circling back to her role as April and her love of fabrics, she holds two U.S. patents for improvements on pantyhose and bras. 

At the time of writing, she is a healthy, 92-year-old living with her son. 

Also at the time of writing, I am contemplating pulling the program I choreographed back in 2021 to The Girl That I Knew Somewhere to revisit it. My polka dot dress is ready to go and I will be a Class IV skater very soon.