Contemplating Life Choices - an Open Letter to My Coach

 

USA Masters Games and US Figure Skating US Adult Championships

So I feel like when I medal, the brain shouts “everything is great!’ and I move onto the next thing. When I don’t do well, I contemplate life choices.

Well, I did medal (and didn’t), and am still contemplating life choices. I can’t seem to shut the brain off.

First, I need new skates. I’m tired of fighting my left boot and I need to feel confident in my left. I am planning on contacting Susan Jones and making a weekend appointment to get this taken care of once and for all.

Second, I need to take a break to heal the IT/piriformis issue. I’ve been foam rolling, massaging, stretching, soaking, electrocuting my left leg for a month now. I am going to call the PT office that’s in the old Burger King by my house and see if I can get in.

Third, I’m taking a break from free skate, unless it’s to take the gold free skate test, God willing. I’ve been to 10 ANs, and my best finish is middle of the pack. It’s not working. Maybe I will miss it, but it’s time for me to focus on other things.

I’m astonished to realize all my USFS national medals are in showcase, from ANs to National Showcase and Master Games. Even thinking about my ISI results, that’s where I shine, and where there is excitement instead of dread. I’m good at it. I have two ideas for the attached song, one an artistic dramatic in a romantic vein, the other a comedy routine that revolves around me skating as an eyeball. Yes, an eyeball. I like the challenge of looking at one piece of music from two perspectives.

Fourth, I gotta pass gold moves already. And those bronze dances I’ve been starting and stopping. And free dance, I did great in dance the year I did it.

I’ve tried to make skating on Sundays work, but especially this summer, it just isn’t working for me. With the cottage, Dave really wants family time on weekends, and so do I. When faced with either running to the rink or taking Will to his baseball games, Will won every time - be it Sunday. Monday, or Saturday. An helping mom with her house. Family has won every time.

As for how I skated at ANs and Masters Games, I’m all over the place emotionally. I feel like I’m making excuses for how poorly I did, but the facts are I do need new skates, I am injured, mom needed my help, I needed to be mom/wife, I haven’t been able to train the way I’d like because of limited ice availability, it is what it is. I did the best I could, and now, sitting at work with a knee brace on, I can tell you I gave it every ounce physically and emotionally. I’m trying not to be dispirited that the result was 9th place.

I will share the positives: while waiting for the previous skater's scores and for my name to be announced, I had my AN moment. Everyone in the lobby saw I was on the ice, and swarmed into the arena, to cheer and shout “we love you Mel!” which made me cry - we do have such a great community. But when I was at GRO and competing in the Masters event, all the judges that weren’t on the panel came out to cheer me on from the stands. Looks like I’m a part of two great communities.

Also, I relayed the story of my skate while I was in judges’ hospitality, embarrassed by my placement. One judge looked at me with a critical eye and said “weren’t you sick for a while?” gesturing towards the boobs and ovaries. I said, “well yeah…” and then she raised an eyebrow and pointed her stopwatch at me and replied, “and yet you’re still skating…” and left it at that. Another, beaming at me, says “you have the best life - a great kid, a husband who loves you, and you do what you love. That’s great!” Two affirmations from two unlikely sources.

LHOTR - Lemonade!

 

My girl Laura rhapsodized about lemonade numerous times in her series: at a Fourth of July celebration in town, at Nellie’s birthday party, and a party at Ben’s. She was in awe of citrus in general, when an orange was considered a desirable, exotic gift as a party favor or in the toe of a Christmas stocking.

I’m in the gift category: I love lemons, limes, grapefruit, kumquats, any fragrant member of the family. When I mix a batch of lemonade up, I will add orange to make it sweeter or lime to make it more tart. 

We just got up to the cottage and first thing I mixed was the jar above. And it looks pretty against the gingham curtain; I’m sure Laura would agree.

Personal Beatley Moments

 

Why yes, I do search for George Harrison

Like a favorite scent, certain songs in The Beatles catalog stirs a random memory. On our way up to the cottage last night, we put them on shuffle, and here’s what came up:

At a baseball game as a bachelor party disrupted play, the group drunkenly singing their version of Yellow Submarine, as their team was losing 16-0. They were escorted out

Caught holding hands with Bob "from Flint" by the other kids at the resort on Houghton Lake. They proceeded to chase us around the hotel while singing I Wanna Hold Your Hand. It was the weirdest harassment ever. I was eight.

Party hopping at Michigan State with my girlfriends and shout-singing Eight Days a Week.

A particularly heinous day working at the hospital and discovering someone had written the lyrics to Dear Prudence on a post-it and left it on the bathroom mirror for someone to discover. "The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful and so are you."

Competing Here There and Everywhere at State Games of America in 2017 and medaling. 

Meeting Dave’s friend Vince for the first time and instantly bonding and dancing to Twist and Shout. He then punched a hole in Dave's paper-thin wall. The time-honored solution was a unique patch made of water, flour, and toothpaste. No security deposit was lost. 

Having a Beatle weekend with my high school friend Maria, renting a Hard Days Night, Help!, Magical Mystery Tour, and Let it Be - $5 each on VHS from this teeny tiny rental hut that is now a Bras of All Sizes shop. We stayed up until 4am, eating cookie dough and talking nonstop.

Listening to Revolver nonstop, May 1988, particularly the song For No One. Ugh.

Will embracing Revolution #9, and singing “number 9… number 9… number 9…” for an entire month. 

Sitting in my car listening to the last broadcast of radio program Rockline, where the host Bob Coburn reminisced about his favorite interview of all time, George Harrison in 1988. I don’t know why, but If I Needed Someone sounded so good that night, I sat out in my car until 2am, in freezing temperatures, just to listen to the end of the show. 

I found part of it! Rockline, part 1

 

Chasing Prizes

Kept one, left one behind. 

I’ve spent a couple weekends helping mom get her house ready for sale, including the massive clean out with her and my sisters this past weekend. 

One of my chores included donating or throwing away most of my dad’s bowling and golf trophies. I rescued a hole in one plaque and his MHSAA service award, Candi saved his Southern Open trophy, Gia took none, mom saved his last Senior Open trophy to be buried with him. Fifty years of trophies, most of which had long been boxed up when he was alive, just gone.

Suddenly, this has created a mental crisis in my own running and skating efforts: is it all worth it? What am I doing, chasing awards and accolades, only for them to be dumped in a box, forgotten, and thrown away in 30 years by my kid when I’m gone? 

Full disclosure that this is happening two weeks before adult nationals and masters games competitions, and my IT band and piriformis is out of whack. But also at a time when I’ve been having equipment issues and a lack of training time. And back to school. And being a mom. And stuck at home during a pandemic. And working on our cottage. And taking on more responsibilities at work.

And. And. And.

Fact is, I need to continue working out - skating or otherwise - to maintain my health and keep diabetes under control. I have to keep moving. 

The other fact is figure skating has moved down the priority list significantly in the last year too. Will is more important. So is Dave. And my mom. I mean, in order to be properly fitted for a new pair of skates, I need to make an appointment and fly/drive to a major city with a expert skate tech and mentally I think “who has time for that?!”

But I still love to skate. I love choreographing new programs, and have not one but two great ideas for the song “I Only Have Eyes For You.” I’ve had greater success in the Showcase categories, so maybe I stick with that for fun. And give gold moves one more shot then move on. I miss dance, so back to patterns. 

Running…? I never loved it, just the feeling of accomplishment and being a part of something bigger. Because an elliptical has been my only equipment, I’ve been doing virtual races at home, with diminishing enthusiasm and returns. Plus the place I’ve been entering virtual races has been notoriously bad at fulfilling orders in a timely manner, my eagerness to complete these challenges has dropped too.

Or maybe I’ve overindulged in races, completing at least two a month, and they’re no longer special. 

I’ve done a lot of complaining but maybe a bit of soul searching as well in this post. Focus on what is fun about these athletic endeavors and what about the experiences can be shared with family and decide what can be left behind.