Has anyone ever written a song for you? Why yes.
Now that I've completed part 1, I wonder what I've accomplished by writing it and continuing on with part 2. What is there to prove by rehashing old, teen aged lost loves?
I think that answer lies partially in the topic: music is a big part of my life, and remembering these songs takes me back to those times when I was a dreamy-eyed teenager in love with love.
But it's mostly about the boys. Once upon a time, these boys were my whole world, or at least a big part of it, and in my current middle-aged nostalgia, I am startled to realize that I am forgetting things -- last names, birth dates, the scent of their cologne, and things that made them special. A few relationships are omitted, simply because I've forgotten too much. It makes me realize I've lost something, a love story reduced to a passing anecdote, for lack of detail.
These stories are a part of who I was in the process of becoming who I am. Those relationships, for better or worse, have helped shape me as a wife, a mother, a friend. And as I write each of these stories, a last kiss to each of you, wherever you are. Even after the love is gone (Earth Wind and Fire), the memory remains that once upon a time, you were in my heart.
I'm starting to get shy, so maybe it's time to edit names to protect the young and stupid? Not that any of my faithful readers *crickets* would know who these people are anyway, but the internet moves in mysterious ways...
K, "Unknown" - K was my first real boyfriend, my first love, with none of the juvenile "going together" middle school stuff. He was a cook where I was waitressing at my after school job. We came together, broke apart, and found each other way too many times over the course of 2 years. I was completely and totally in love with him.
Our first kiss was at the employee Christmas party, when he offered to give me a ride home. I blathered something about liking him, respect, confusion and when he put his hand on my knee I pretty much forgot everything else. This resulted in heavy flirtation, hanging out with friends, sneaking kisses when we thought no one was watching. Things kind of came to an end when I was laid off after the Christmas rush.
I was rehired in May, but flirting did not start back right away. He then invited me to his high school graduation party. I showed up, shyly offering him a graduation present of fortune cookies in a takeout gift container. I was introduced to his family as his "little friend", then we went to different part of the house and made out.
We had a fantastic summer together, going on dates, hanging out with friends. Then September came. I was excited to start my senior year. He was stuck, not really knowing WHAT to do next and putting off college. There was additional pressure to, ahem, let nature take its course and I resisted, not wanting to become a high school senior cliche.
Oh Lord, what happened next. He decided to enroll in bar tending school after having seen way too many cheesy late-night advertisements. He wanted me to run away with him, assuring me that I could enroll in high school where he was going. I balked, and said no. Yeah, we broke up.
We avoided each other at work for quite some time (bar tending school didn't happen - or did it? I don't remember). I was ready to move on, and began hanging out with E (see below). One of our close friends decided to get married on Valentine's Day, and I was a bridesmaid. K decided that this was his now-or-never-moment, the grand gesture to forever win my heart, and presented me with a thick, sealed envelope. He explained that he had written a long, detailed letter declaring his love for me, and included a song he wrote with his band about me, for me.
I took the envelope, and considered what opening and reading it would do. No one had ever written a song about me, that is Pattie-Boyd/Something/Layla epic. A surefire way to woo me. Would I get back together with him? Probably. Would it be a mistake? Probably.
In one of the few regrets I've had in my life, I dropped the thick envelope in the trash, unread.
Jody Watley, "Looking for a New Love" - E! How to explain it. We were great friends and of course, I harbored a crush on him. He, however, had a secret - he was gay and trying to keep it from the family. He tried put up a front to others about our relationship, in an are-they-or-aren't-they-dating sort of way. When his brother made a passing comment about the attractiveness of my assets, E made the necessary suggestive proposals, and we were an item.
He was a fantastic boyfriend. There were gifts, hilarious inside jokes, wildly flirtatious love letters heavy with innuendo, chocolate surprises, sentimental tokens. Our dates were fun, adventurous, and definitely not your typical dinner and a movie. One night in particular, warm for March, I remember sitting in the driveway at my parents' house, arms wrapped around each other, pointing at the stars and listening to top 40 and singing the refrain from Jody Watley's hit with all the attitude we could muster "hasta la vista -- BABY!" There were serious make out sessions, but E politely and quite gentlemanly never progressed beyond first base. Oh I was thrilled to not fight wayward hands, but sensed that the pieces didn't fit.
Around Easter (naughty Easter card about carrots, over sized Peter Cottontail chocolate bunny, beach ball/palm tree key chain from California), I was getting antsy about the senior prom and tired of waiting for him to ask me, I asked him.
This I think was the line he didn't want to cross, an indicator that I wanted things to get more serious. So - he broke up with me, and said he couldn't explain it and couldn't talk to me about it. Devastated, I complied but things between us were strained and we barely talked in the weeks leading up to the dance.
He showed up with his dear friend M as his date, and I with J, a good friend who gallantly stepped in as a date. I decided on the spot that I missed him in my life, and we reconciled our friendship on the dance floor.
The next few weeks for E were a roller coaster, as we prepared for graduation and his dad was diagnosed with and died of cancer in a matter of weeks. Once the dust settled, he met me after work to talk to me about something serious, and that is when he came out to me as "being happy." How do I handle this news with grace? I bluntly asked "are you telling me you're gay? Does that mean we can talk about boys now?"
Shortly thereafter, he did his thing by moving to California, enrolling in school and living his life as his father asked him to. Whenever I get those goofy forwarded emails that say "there are 5 people out in the world who love you and you don't even know it," I know am one of those 5 people for E.
Holy crap, really? How about a short one?
Breathe, "Hands to Heaven" - A completely unrequited crush on someone much older than me, possibly gay, who was a good friend. He and I both loved the song, and the thought of a possibly/maybe flirtation bridged a barren gap in my non-existent love life that summer.
Whew, I'm spinning yarns! Part 3 coming up, and while it doesn't matter to you, it matters to me.
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