The Paradox of Trying Too Hard

It was recently suggested to me that I was trying too hard to make certain things in my life happen.

Like losing weight.

Getting in shape.

A new job.

Skating.

Ecetera.

Urban Dictionary defines those who try too hard as "A person trying to convey an image that is unlike his or her actual self." To which I say, this is true. I am actually overweight, in need of some toning, in need of a new job in my field, and need to improve my skating skills. These are things I'd like to improve in my life.

But where is the fine line between giving these things your best effort v. trying too hard?

I've been told when I get frustrated that I have a tendency to become a bulldog, shut down and keep driving away at the task, be it applying for jobs, trying the same failed jump. The Future Buzz blog says this about why trying too hard fails us: Where overthinking will stop creative work from even happening in the first place, trying too hard merely produces results not worth sharing. Remember - productivity is not necessarily creativity.

But HOW does one stop overreaching, a.k.a. try too hard? This is a question for which I do not have an answer, and perhaps I can discover by going backwards, find some answers.

Example 1: I used to drive myself crazy, wishing desperately to be popular in high school. As a member of the prom committee as a junior, I was charged with the task of helping with clean up, and some popular seniors were there, helping. They were sticking construction paper flowers to themselves and thinking it was shared fun, I did too. Shooting me the evil eye, these girls ripped the flowers off themselves in horror. I felt embarrassment for a second, then, with narrowed eyes, came to the sudden shocking realization that I didn't like those girls anyway. After that, I concentrated on friendships that mattered to me, and people that I truly cared about, thus becoming popular in my own tribe. This allowed me to become a happier, relaxed person in my own skin and I suddenly found myself surrounded by friends.

Example 2: I struggled to become a scholarly egghead in high school, challenging myself with honors classes. Problem was, I had mastered my classes in the 7th and 8th grade, effectively hitting the ceiling. During some crucial years, I developed poor study habits due to not having to crack a book. Also, I was determined to master all my classes without acknowledging that I was drowning and needed help. Results to be expected, poor grades and poor self esteem. What did I do about it? First, I didn't stop challenging myself in classes that I knew I could master, I made sure to do homework when the lesson was fresh or at least during breaks at work as opposed to after work. In classes where I needed help, I studied with others and took an active role in group projects. I also stepped back a little (relax? me?) and took classes that were going to recharge my batteries instead of exhaust them.

I made these mistakes in high school and college. College, I majored in things I thought I should instead of following my heart to what I wanted to do, and my grades suffered. Once I followed my heart, and relaxed, the effort was worth it.