Contemplating Life Choices - an Open Letter to My Coach

 

USA Masters Games and US Figure Skating US Adult Championships

So I feel like when I medal, the brain shouts “everything is great!’ and I move onto the next thing. When I don’t do well, I contemplate life choices.

Well, I did medal (and didn’t), and am still contemplating life choices. I can’t seem to shut the brain off.

First, I need new skates. I’m tired of fighting my left boot and I need to feel confident in my left. I am planning on contacting Susan Jones and making a weekend appointment to get this taken care of once and for all.

Second, I need to take a break to heal the IT/piriformis issue. I’ve been foam rolling, massaging, stretching, soaking, electrocuting my left leg for a month now. I am going to call the PT office that’s in the old Burger King by my house and see if I can get in.

Third, I’m taking a break from free skate, unless it’s to take the gold free skate test, God willing. I’ve been to 10 ANs, and my best finish is middle of the pack. It’s not working. Maybe I will miss it, but it’s time for me to focus on other things.

I’m astonished to realize all my USFS national medals are in showcase, from ANs to National Showcase and Master Games. Even thinking about my ISI results, that’s where I shine, and where there is excitement instead of dread. I’m good at it. I have two ideas for the attached song, one an artistic dramatic in a romantic vein, the other a comedy routine that revolves around me skating as an eyeball. Yes, an eyeball. I like the challenge of looking at one piece of music from two perspectives.

Fourth, I gotta pass gold moves already. And those bronze dances I’ve been starting and stopping. And free dance, I did great in dance the year I did it.

I’ve tried to make skating on Sundays work, but especially this summer, it just isn’t working for me. With the cottage, Dave really wants family time on weekends, and so do I. When faced with either running to the rink or taking Will to his baseball games, Will won every time - be it Sunday. Monday, or Saturday. An helping mom with her house. Family has won every time.

As for how I skated at ANs and Masters Games, I’m all over the place emotionally. I feel like I’m making excuses for how poorly I did, but the facts are I do need new skates, I am injured, mom needed my help, I needed to be mom/wife, I haven’t been able to train the way I’d like because of limited ice availability, it is what it is. I did the best I could, and now, sitting at work with a knee brace on, I can tell you I gave it every ounce physically and emotionally. I’m trying not to be dispirited that the result was 9th place.

I will share the positives: while waiting for the previous skater's scores and for my name to be announced, I had my AN moment. Everyone in the lobby saw I was on the ice, and swarmed into the arena, to cheer and shout “we love you Mel!” which made me cry - we do have such a great community. But when I was at GRO and competing in the Masters event, all the judges that weren’t on the panel came out to cheer me on from the stands. Looks like I’m a part of two great communities.

Also, I relayed the story of my skate while I was in judges’ hospitality, embarrassed by my placement. One judge looked at me with a critical eye and said “weren’t you sick for a while?” gesturing towards the boobs and ovaries. I said, “well yeah…” and then she raised an eyebrow and pointed her stopwatch at me and replied, “and yet you’re still skating…” and left it at that. Another, beaming at me, says “you have the best life - a great kid, a husband who loves you, and you do what you love. That’s great!” Two affirmations from two unlikely sources.