Remember that post, Let it Go, from 2014? Of course you do, click the link for a refresher.
I skated today with one of the girls from my old home club, and we were discussing the toxic culture there in relation to current SafeSport rules and regulations. The topic of my leaving the club came up.
I said, "I knew I was no longer welcome when I was blackballed from test sessions. Lauren was so upset that I wasn't on her test panel, and I didn't even know about it."
Says she, "We were all upset you weren't there. I mean, we all looked up to you guys, you were so fun. We were there for adult nationals and sectionals. We loved you guys, then you went away."
"Well, you knew we weren't welcome..."
"I kind of knew something was wrong, but we were so young. We thought of you guys as skate moms, as big sisters. It was awful not having you there."
I just... there's a lot of emotion I'm attempting I'm trying to figure out. I should feel vindicated that we were missed, but all I feel right now is sorrow over the fractured relationship with these kids, and that they felt the pain of us leaving.
But I also remember the snubs, overlooked at nationals, the deliberate hostility towards us that resulted in us leaving one by one.
To read my post from eight years ago, I know now that I did make a difference while I was there. But still, walking away had to happen. I mourned it then; I'm mourning it now. It didn't have to be that way.
No comments:
Post a Comment