Wednesday, April 17, 2024

The Beatles, Ranked! The Bottom, or the Not so Fab

I'm fighting this too.

I said I'd do it, so here it is. First, some "defend the music" just outside the bottom:

Her Majesty - Her Majesty's is a sweet enough 30-second ditty, but the problem is its placement - The End would have been a stellar, mind-blowing coda to The Beatles. Still, Paul can't leave well enough alone and sneaks this in as a secret track, preventing The End from being the end. Couldn't it have opened side 2 instead?

If You've Got Trouble, a Ringo lead vocal that only appeared on the Anthology 2 album. Ringo doesn't remember recording it, and according to the studio logs, they only did one take. There's a horrible guitar solo, ushered in by Ringo's hapless call to "rock on, anybody!" Its redemption came while driving in the car, for the sheer garage band thrashing good time of it. I can hear the punk rock energy and potential - play it loud.


The bottom 10:

-10
The Word - it's one of the tracks that prevents me from truly embracing Rubber Soul as one of my top four albums. Early hippie peace and love movement stuff that sounds dated to me now.

-9
Maxwell’s Silver Hammer - Fucking Christ, it keeps Abbey Road from being perfect. Saving graces to Maxwell is Mal joyfully playing the anvil and Steve Martin as some delirious dentist in the so-bad-it’s-good rock movie musical with George Burns.

-8
All I've Got to Do - You're not Smokey, John.

-7
I'll Get You - I may blame this one on the cartoon. I just remember ugly black birds doing the singalong, and the bridge was a discordant mess. John's quote: "Paul's attempt to write a song that didn't work out." You're telling me.

-6
Every Little Thing -the only thing I like is Ringo's timpani. Even Paul said: "It didn't have quite what was required."

-5
There's a Place - I mentioned before that this sounds garbled and annoying. It's early Fabs, not all of it was golden, just saying.

-4
Little Child - another one that was ruined by the cartoon and the smarminess of it. Great harmonica though.

-3 
Piggies - I usually love me a disgruntled George Harrison - see Don't Bother Me - but the harpsichord and grunting were a bit much, aaaaaaaand it sent Manson over the edge.

-2
Yes, it Is - not the right vehicle for them, and that wah wah wee and bitching about a red dress. John even admits it doesn't work. 

-1
Christmas Time is Here Again - a Christmas gift fan recording and it's awful. I hate it so much I'm startled by my vitriol. Drugs are bad, Paul. 

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