Typing OUT Loud: Awkward Ally

 

It didn’t fit.

It’s Pride Month, and I’ve felt an urgency to demonstrate my identity as an ally to friends and family who are LGBTQIA+ without being awkward about it.

I’m also thrifty as hell and look for a bargain where I can. I found the shirt above at the Fill a Bag for Five Bucks sale at the Friends Thrift in Evart.

Aaaand... it doesn’t fit.

This is giving me a whole ‘nother complex about Pride Month. Why? Well, this is where typing out loud helps me hash it out. 

I want to say I'm an ally without making it about me. It's not my fight, I'm kind of standing in the wings, wondering what I can contribute. Rainbow cookies? Free mom hugs? I'm in all for a pride rally dance party. But every approach seems kind of lame, anti-climatic. 

But a narrative is necessary, as anyone on social media can attest. There are persistent issues in our society with passive homophobia, angry aggression, and hostile oppression. 

What's needed is more than me sporting a rainbow t-shirt. 

On a personal level, someone very close to us is gay and I want to show her that we love her, see her, and support her. I hate the idea of saying "we love you no matter who you're with," because I feel like that is dismissive, akin to saying "that's still wrong but we are accepting you" because she's not wrong. Besides, we LOVE her partner.  

Does a t-shirt adequately do this? 

More importantly, the youngsters are vocal about wanting more than acceptance, they want active activism. Passive "whatever" from Gen X doesn't cut it with the Gen Z crowd. 

I'm still trying to find the right words and there's no "So You Want to be an Ally" handbook out there that wouldn't dissolve into parody. I can imagine a young nonbinary individual sneering "nice try, Karen" as they take in my feeble attempts at doing the right thing. 

And much love to my grandmother, who long ago taught me about the Native Americans celebrating bisexuality as those blessed with Two Spirits. I remember thinking this was the most beautiful thing, and I couldn't have been more than eight or nine years old. So enough about the bullshit that kids don't understand. They get it. 

So what is the right thing? 

Demonstrating honesty, love, and supporting the rights of others to love who they want. Being vocal when someone is being a jackass in public. Getting a shirt that fits. Grace when I get it wrong. And I will get it wrong; my generation stood for gays and lesbians - the LG in the acronym - in the face of the AIDS crisis, but so much more about human sexuality since the 80s has been examined by society since then, the BTQIA+ if you will. I cringe to think of what I had said back then that was insensitive, but I have learned since then. I suspect as I acknowledge an individual's pronouns will still get it wrong, and stumblebum around "hey.... you!" in desperation. Heck, I have a hard enough time remembering people's names in the momentary panic of shyness that results in meeting someone for the first time. But I hope as I age, I continue to have an open mind.