Fearless…?

Marching in like... 

Quote from Diane Keaton, “There is great value in being fearless… too much of my life I have been afraid. Fear has been one of my biggest regrets.”

Reviews of this blog by classmates have applauded my efforts at being vulnerable, spontaneous, adventurous, and fearless. Thank you, but...  

Oh, what is hidden behind the panes of my Johari window! 

I wish I were fearless, it would make things so much easier. Instead, I must admit to sweaty palms, quaking knees, nervous chatter, a churning stomach, and that feeling of dread that comes with being afraid. 

But I do it anyway. 

Why? Regret is worse. Regret means failing yourself. Not getting to experience the thrill of accomplishment. Or even the right to a shrug of consolation because at least you tried. 

I’ve often referred to the risk of sticking your neck out, giving the naysayers the opportunity to cut you down to size. I’ve experienced that too. But when they don’t, you get a better look at the world. 

Brian Boitano made the point that fear means you care, that you want to do well. That helped him channel fear into a positive emotion, that he could combat it by preparing and training.  

I know so many more people that deserve to be called fearless, jumping out of airplanes, performing on stage, whatnot. But I've also worn a bikini at 51, competed at 20+ national competitions, went back to school, and risked failure time and again. Is fearless the right word?

No. Maybe tenacious, with a little courage? Let’s acknowledge the fear and the battle with it, too often for me it is a worthy opponent.